This is a human post as some would say…. a deeply personal story that touches the heart and soul. In 2010, I found myself in a situation where my dream wedding seemed like a distant hope. Despite the broken promise and the years of fading hope, I turned to the Lord in my moments of quiet despair. I poured out my disappointment and asked Him to use my pain for a greater purpose. And He listened.
“Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.”
– Lin Yutang.
So, here is what happened:
I got married abruptly in the USA, had a small wedding by a lake in someone’s yard, then headed back to Kenya…story for another day. None of my friends or family were at my wedding. I had made a promise to myself that one day I would walk down the aisle in the presence of my mama. To make her proud. Because after all, she was mama. She had seen me grow up. She had sacrificed much for me and my siblings. The least I could do would be to honor her, right? During my daddy’s funeral her main concern was who would walk her daughters down the aisle. I was a daddy’s girl so hearing her say that in his tribute meant a big deal to me.
The person I married made a promise. To ensure that my dream wedding would come true. The wedding was to be held in Kenya in April 2011. The month that marks both my parents’ birthdays. So, I contracted a tailor to stitch beautiful tablecloths and seat covers in my favorite color. After all, I owned an events and decorating company and was one of the leading wedding and events planners in Kenya. I even purchased the lace that would elegantly spruce the wedding invitations. All in my favorite color. Blush {AKA rose pink}.
BUT the promise was broken. I kept hoping that one day it would come true but that hope diminished year after year. I moved to the USA and shipped all that linen with me. I kept them in a box hopeful that my dream would one day turn to life. Then, mama died, and the reality settled in. Was I in denial or was I simply hopeful?
“Broken vows are like broken mirrors. They leave those who held to them bleeding and staring at fractured images of themselves. (pg. 161)”
― Richard Paul Evans, Promise Me
In my quiet moments, I spoke with the Lord. I loaded my disappointment on Him. I poured out my heart to him. I ranted and vented. He was attentive…really attentive. I asked Him to use my pain and disillusionment. He is the promise keeper so He knows how it feels like to have a promise broken.
Psalms 34:18 in different translations tells us that:
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.
The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.
I decided that I would turn my thorny disappointment into bursts of joy and hope. So, one day I took those very tablecloths out of the box and used them to decorate my first big event – my daughter’s birthday. Then this past weekend, I used them to decorate my first public big event – Mother-Daughter High Tea. Someone walked up to me and asked me where I had gotten all the linen I used. I smiled and told them the story. Out of the ashes, hope arose. I now use something that resulted from pain to create beautiful memories for others.
Through a series of events, I found a way to transform my pain into joy and hope. I took the very tablecloths meant for my dream wedding and used them to create beautiful memories for my daughter’s birthday and a Mother-Daughter High Tea event. In doing so, I discovered that out of the ashes of disappointment, hope can arise.
I share this story not to dwell on the past, but to inspire others who may be carrying their burdens of pain and disappointment. Trust in God’s promise to give beauty for ashes, but remember, you must first give Him your ashes.
Open your heart to receive the beauty He has in store for you.
What painful disappointment do you have that is constantly depressing you? Can you trust God to take it and use it to build something beautiful, not just for yourself but for others?
The Scripture says God wants to give you beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3), but you can’t receive the beauty if you don’t give God your ashes. Give God your hurts and pains, and then open wide so that you can receive the beauty He has in store for you.
Don’t hide or suppress your pain. Instead, offer it up to God and watch as He transforms it into something beautiful, not just for yourself, but for others as well. You are not alone in your journey. Trust in the process and know that you will be alright.
Your friend in the journey,
Esther
