This is a sequel to my last blogpost.
Before I relocated to the USA in 2012, I carried one deep, quiet fear in my heart.
A phone call.
The kind that changes everything.
Mama had been unwell for years. I had poured my time ensuring she was alright. My energy. My resources. Caring for her was not a duty. It was love. It was an honor. It was gratitude.
And then I moved thousands of miles away.
The thought haunted me.
What if one day the phone rang…
And they told me Mama was gone?
I didn’t know how I would survive that—being so far. So helpless.
So I did the only thing I knew how to do.
I gave that fear to God.
In a simple, whispered prayer, I said, “Lord, please… may I never receive that call.”
And then life happened.
I forgot about that prayer.
Until October 2015.
At exactly 2:00 AM, I woke up. Not slowly. Not gently. I jolted awake with a heavy knowing in my spirit.
Something was wrong with Mama.
I didn’t have proof. I didn’t have logic. I just knew.
I called my sister in Kenya. She was confused. She had just seen Mama that weekend. “She’s fine,” she insisted. “You’re overthinking.”
But the feeling would not leave me.
So I called Mama’s tenant, who lived in her compound.
He answered, breathless.
“Mama just suddenly fell ill. I’m rushing her to the clinic.”
Then he asked the question that still gives me chills.
“How did you know?”
How did I know?
My siblings took over and admitted her to the hospital.
And remember that simple prayer I prayed years before? Hold that thought.
I couldn’t travel immediately. By the time I finally boarded that plane to Kenya, Mama was in a coma. My siblings gently told me it was time to say goodbye.
I held on to hope.
Just let me see her one more time, Lord.
Just one more time.
While connecting flights in Amsterdam, I remember posting on Facebook that I couldn’t get home fast enough to see Mama. Shortly after, the plane took off.
When I landed in Kenya, there was a crowd waiting.
My bestie Rachel and her husband. My cousins. My sister.
They laughed and teased me. “We know you travel with too much luggage,” they said. “We came with enough cars!”
But when I looked into my sister’s eyes… I saw it.
She had been crying.
I was distracted by airport noise. By hugs. By my energetic American toddler pulling at me.
We drove to my sister’s house.
And that’s where they told me.
Mama had gone to heaven.
I cannot describe that grief. It swallowed me whole.
How?
Why?
I just wanted to see her one more time.
But in the middle of that heartbreak, the Holy Spirit whispered something so gently to my soul.
“Remember your prayer.”
The news of Mama’s passing… had not been given to me over the phone.
God had heard me.
Years earlier.
In a quiet, simple prayer.
He listened.
He answered.
Not the way I imagined. Not the way I would have designed it. But He honored the cry of my heart.
Today, I want to remind you of the powerful words in Psalm 139.
That Psalm wrecks me most beautifully.
It tells us that God knows everything about us. Every thought before we think it. Every word before we speak it. Every step before we take it.
He goes before us.
He stands behind us.
He hems us in with love.
There is nowhere you can go where He is not already there.
Not in America.
Not in Kenya.
Not in hospital rooms.
Not in airport terminals.
Not even in grief.
He forms us.
He sees our days before we live them.
He thinks about us constantly.
Constantly.
Let that sink in.
The God of the universe thinks about you more than the grains of sand on every shore.
When you whisper a prayer you barely remember…
He remembers.
When you cry into your pillow at night…
He hears. He listens. The details are not lost to Him.
When fear grips your heart, and you don’t know how you will cope…
He already made provision.
Friend, you are not unseen.
You are not unheard.
You are not forgotten.
Even in loss.
Even in silence.
Even when the ending is not what you hoped for.
The same God who woke me up at 2:00 AM…
The same God who honored a prayer I had forgotten…
Is the same God holding you right now.
Search your heart as David prayed.
“Examine me, Lord. Lead me in Your everlasting way.”
Because the truth is this:
He knows you.
He sees you.
He cherishes you.
And when you awake each morning—
He is still with you.
Psalms 139 (The Passion Translation)
You Know All About Me
For the Pure and Shining One
King David’s poetic song
1Lord, you know everything there is to know about me.
2You perceive every movement of my heart and soul,
and you understand my every thought before it even enters my mind.
3-4You are so intimately aware of me, Lord.
You read my heart like an open book
and you know all the words I’m about to speak
before I even start a sentence!
You know every step I will take before my journey even begins.
5You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way,
and in kindness you follow behind me
to spare me from the harm of my past.
You have laid your hand on me!
6This is just too wonderful, deep, and incomprehensible!
Your understanding of me brings me wonder and strength.
7Where could I go from your Spirit?
Where could I run and hide from your face?
8If I go up to heaven, you’re there!
If I go down to the realm of the dead, you’re there too!
9If I fly with wings into the shining dawn, you’re there!
If I fly into the radiant sunset, you’re there waiting!
10Wherever I go, your hand will guide me;
your strength will empower me.
11It’s impossible to disappear from you
or to ask the darkness to hide me,
for your presence is everywhere, bringing light into my night.
12There is no such thing as darkness with you.
The night, to you, is as bright as the day;
there’s no difference between the two.
13You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate inside
and my intricate outside,
and wove them all together in my mother’s womb.
14I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex!
Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking.
It simply amazes me to think about it!
How thoroughly you know me, Lord!
15You even formed every bone in my body
when you created me in the secret place;
carefully, skillfully you shaped me from nothing to something.
16You saw who you created me to be before I became me!
Before I’d ever seen the light of day,
the number of days you planned for me
were already recorded in your book.
17-18Every single moment you are thinking of me!
How precious and wonderful to consider
that you cherish me constantly in your every thought!
O God, your desires toward me are more
than the grains of sand on every shore!
When I awake each morning, you’re still with me.
19O God, come and slay these bloodthirsty, murderous men!
For I cry out, “Depart from me, you wicked ones!”
20See how they blaspheme your sacred name
and lift up themselves against you, but all in vain!
21Lord, can’t you see how I despise those who despise you?
For I grieve when I see them rise up against you.
22I have nothing but complete hatred and disgust for them.
Your enemies shall be my enemies!
23God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart.
Examine me through and through;
find out everything that may be hidden within me.
Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares.
24See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on,
and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting way—
the path that brings me back to you.
About the Writer
Hi,
My name is Esther. Thanks for reading my blog. I am a deep thinker who loves to reflect, write, and share my thoughts to inspire others and build hope.
I’ve spent my life believing that challenges aren’t roadblocks—they’re invitations to grow, innovate, and create impact that truly matters.
With over two decades in the nonprofit world and a Master’s in Nonprofit Administration, I bring heart, strategy, and purpose to everything I do. I’m an Advanced Certified Nonprofit Professional (ACNP) and Certified Nonprofit Professional (CNP), grounded in service and driven by excellence.
My work lives at the intersection of strategy and humanity—spanning strategic planning, fundraising, grant writing, marketing, board governance, CSR, sustainability, and communications. As a lifelong learner and proud Lilly Scholar, Alford Scholar, two-time Blackbaud Scholar, and lifetime member of Nu Lambda Mu, I’m always growing so I can help others do the same.
I’m a listener first, a coach by nature, and a trusted partner to organizations ready to strengthen today while building for tomorrow. Through Esstaaz Company LLC, I lead initiatives like the Esstaaz African Fashion Accessories Fairtrade Initiative, empowering women in vulnerable African communities with opportunity, dignity, and sustainable work.
Creativity fuels me. I’m the author of two children’s books, with an upcoming inspirational book on courage and resilience.
I work at Brightmoor Christian Church, and in my free time, I serve on the Board of Directors of the Detroit Metropolitan Youth Symphony (https://www.detroitmys.org/) in a fundraising and outreach advisory role. I also volunteer my time and skills at the Kenya Education Fund (KEF) as Visibility, Publicity, and Marketing Advisor (https://www.kenyaeducationfund.org/about-us-1).
I live by one simple mantra: Make Your Life Count for Something Great! And every day, I work to help others do exactly that.
Connect with me for a consulting, speaking, training, or coaching session. I would love to speak at your event/conference or train your team!
Visit my website estheramunga.com